Week 1 of School

Wow. Okay a lot happened this week. Monday I started my second year of college (I'm still having a hard time believing that this is my second year. I can't believe how fast time has gone) which means it was my first day in the Nursing Program.

Here's how my first day went: I walked into the classroom a little before 8 on Monday morning. I was one of the last people to arrive which was kind of surprising. I couldn't believe 42 Mormons were actually somewhere on time. Anyway, orientation started at 8 and the teachers introduced themselves. Then they pretty much went over the entire semester of nursing, as well as briefly go over all 4 semesters. So that was intimidating. Then each of us introduced ourselves and that was fun. Most of the students seem cool... only a few weirdies in the program haha. We filled out a bunch of paperwork, took a 15 minute break and commenced with the orientation once again. We had a few speakers come talk to us about the program and then we split up into groups to get to know each other better. And then the orientation ended at 1. So yeah that was my first day. I realized I already knew a girl from my chemistry class last semester, there was a guy from Richland I knew and then found out that I was related to another guy in the program haha. Granted, we're related through several lines of marriage but there is still a connection. And there ya go. But even with how overwhelming and stressful the day was, I realized even more that this is exactly where I need to be. I know it. It just feels right and I'm really excited for this adventure. Oh and Monday was also Jordan's 22nd birthday so shout out to the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. I love you, you old man ;)

So I'm sure I'm not the only one, but when I begin a new phase in life I always try to do better with exercise. Like when the year starts, or school gets out, or when school starts up again, etc. And this semester I fell into the same trap. I told myself "alright I'm finally going to start exercising every day and eating better. I'm going to go to the school and either workout in the gym or at the stadium, every night at 9 since that works best with my schedule." And then I get super pumped and motivated and feel better about myself just thinking about it. So Monday I picked up my friend Allison and we went over to the stadium. Of course, I forgot my knee brace AGAIN so that was great. My knee wasn't very happy with me. We did some bleachers (the bleachers at the BYU-Idaho stadium are terrible. Absolutely terrible). And then I ran around the track while Ali did some ab exercises. Remember how I said I was super excited and motivated and positive about getting in shape? Well as I was running and trying to breathe, I had thoughts like "this is impossible," "there is no way I can do this," "my body was not cut out for this," "how the heck does anyone do this," etc. Does anyone else feel that way? But now I'm trying to just take one day at a time. I've learned that goals are much more manageable and doable when you just focus on one day. So that's what I'm doing now. Every day I wake up and tell myself, "I can control what I eat TODAY. I can control how much I exercise TODAY" and that makes a huge difference. So there's some advice if it helps.

This week I also started having some health problems. I have never had a problem with heartburn throughout my life. Never. But I started feeling it on Monday in my back. It went away during the night and returned on Tuesday. But that went away temporarily. Then all of the sudden, it attacked me on Wednesday. It was terrible. I couldn't sit still, couldn't focus on anything, couldn't breath too well because of chest and back pain. I made an emergency run to Wal-Mart to buy some Tums and Zantac. But even those didn't work. I tried going to bed but couldn't sleep at all that night because I kept spitting up mucous (sorry, I'm a nursing major so I don't get grossed out very easily haha). Well, I went to school on Thursday with no improvement. I just kept eating Tums--my new favorite candy--and Saltine crackers. After class I went to donate plasma but they called me back to tell me that my blood ALT levels were elevated again. ALT is a liver protein that is found in the blood when there is some sort of liver damage. This was the second time they found elevated levels. So I couldn't donate which made me mad cause that meant I didn't have any gas money. Well, after talking with my dad I decided to just walk into the health center at the college and see if I could get a Dr. appointment. Luckily they had an opening within 30 minutes so I just waited. As soon as I saw the doctor, I told him everything and hoped he could make sense of all my problems. He ordered me some prescription pills for my acid reflux, a blood lab test for my elevated ALT levels, and a gallbladder ultrasound for my constant side pain. I should have some answers this week when I go back to the doctor on Thursday so I'll let you know what I find out. Here's to hoping and praying. Anyway, I've been taking the pills and my heartburn is gone... but the meds give me headaches and nausea haha. So I need to decide which pain is worse. Yay for pain.

Okay I promise I'm almost done. But yesterday was pretty rough. I wasn't feeling well and I was really missing Jordan. I was starting to get stressed out again with EVERYTHING I needed to do, including some future planning. I was frustrated because I couldn't control everything and things that I wanted weren't realistically possible. Yesterday was one of those days where I questioned why I had to go through certain things. I was jealous of all the couples at the college because they could see their boyfriends or girlfriends whenever they wanted and I have to wait weeks to see mine. I was jealous because it seemed like relationship things were easier for everyone else I knew. I was frustrated because Jordan's and my schedules always clash and I wanted certain things to happen sooner than they logically could. I was frustrated because I couldn't please everyone. Every little worry or frustration I've had for awhile just decided to dogpile me yesterday and it was awful.

But then I took a few breaths and went back to the basic little things:
1. Jordan and I love each other. That's all that matters. Everything else will work out around that and will happen when it's supposed to.
2. I'm where I need to be at school. If God wants me to be in the nursing program and I'm doing my part, then He will help me every step of the way. All things are possible with God.
3. I will get better. I've always recovered from past illnesses and I'll recover from this one. My body is strong. Working at the nursing home reminds me of how blessed I am every day.
4. I have really supportive family and friends who love me and want the best for me. I love them all.

It's also important to remember that I can't and never will please everyone. That's just how it is. And I have no idea what other people are going through. Their lives and relationships may seem perfect or easier but that's all superficial. Everyone has their own struggles so I can't compare my life to theirs. It's not fair to myself and it's not fair to them. Oh and whenever I feel overwhelmed and stressed, it helps to watch my favorite TV show and go to bed. It's amazing what sleep can do. I always feel better and life seems conquerable when I wake up in the morning. Just a few things I learned that help.

So that was my week. I have more nursing home stories to share but I feel like this post is already too long so I'll write another post specifically for those stories. I just hope that I can use my struggles and victories to either inspire or help others who might be going through the same things. Because when it comes down to it, it's the little things that get us through each day.