One Year Older { and wiser too }

Here it is the middle of October and I just realized that I still haven't blogged about our one year anniversary! In fact, we just passed our 18 month mark on the 12th? Can you believe we've been married that long?! It's still weird for me to think about sometimes but I've loved every little experience we've shared together (both the good and the bad).

Marriage is absolutely wonderful.
In my opinion, it is so much better than just dating or being engaged, because even though we aren't with each other all the time, from now on we'll always have someone to come home to, or someone to sleep with and we won't ever have to wonder if or when we'll see each other again. Before getting married, I was told by many people not to expect things to get easier or better with marriage because marriage can be stressful. But to be honest, life has gotten SO much easier and SO much better since we've been married. Sure, we have tons of bills and we work all the time and we have disagreements and we get stressed out and we get sick. But the best part is that we get to do all of those "terrible" things together!

A pic from two and a half years ago, when we first started dating

*Disclaimer: I should probably explain for those who don't know (or don't remember) that I think marriage is better than just dating and being engaged because Jordan and I didn't really have a normal dating/engagement relationship. We lived in different states before we were married and only got to see each other about once a month. The 13 months we dated was way too stressful for me because I spent the whole time wondering when I would get to see him again and how long we would have to continue dating like that before we finally got married. So needless to say, I did not enjoy the whole dating process as much as I enjoy marriage now.

Just as we get to experience all the negative life obstacles together, there is thankfully an opposition to all things and we get to experience all the positive life blessings together as well. I don't have to

worry or feel guilty about doing something fun without him because I know we'll always be able to enjoy them with each other. Even something as little as going to church together makes me so happy because that is not something we were able to enjoy very much while we were dating.

Do you want to know how I knew I was ready to get married? Some people might say I was too young to get married at 20, but I couldn't disagree more. I knew I was ready when I couldn't picture anyone else by my side. I knew I was ready when I just wanted to be with him all the time, even if we weren't doing anything. I knew I was ready when I wanted to experience everything in life with him. I knew I was ready when I cared more about his happiness than I did my own. And here we are a year later, and I still feel the EXACT same way about this wonderful man. When you know, you know, and I didn't want to wait any longer than I had to to continue the rest of my life with him. I might have been too young to get married but hey, that just means more time with Jordan and that's perfectly fine with me.

One of my favorite wedding pictures

So to celebrate our big day, we decided to do some of our favorite things or try things we've never done but always wanted to do. For example, we started the day by sleeping in together (something that doesn't happen very much) and then enjoying a couple's massage and  boy was it wonderful. I'm so glad we finally made it happen because there is nothing more relaxing than a massage. We will definitely be doing that again. Then we went to Denny's for brunch after that even though we were so swollen we could hardly keep our eyes open haha. I'm telling ya, they worked us good and we never felt better. We exchanged gifts once we got home and they were perfect for each of us. When it comes to holidays and special occasions, Jordan and I both try to buy gifts that are sentimental or have some sort of meaning for the person. If anybody knows Jordan, they know he LOVES the Broncos haha. Ever since we started dating, he talked about how much he's always wanted a jersey. So of course, being the best wife ever, I knew it would be a perfect anniversary gift. And he, being the best husband ever, gave me the perfect gift as well. Knowing how much I love jewelry, he had a necklace personally designed just for me which included little pendants that each shared a special meaning in my life.
The palm tree for being born in Hawaii (he calls me his Hawaiian princess)
The RN medic symbol for being a nurse
The volleyball since it's my favorite sport to play
The infinity sign for our eternal commitment to each other
The "J" letter for both of our names
The musical note for how much I love to sing and play piano
and The "I Love You" sign which is pretty self explanatory
Like I said, it's perfect and I love it. Just like him.

After gifts, we took advantage of the 7 Eleven slurpee deal that was going on and enjoyed the afternoon at the park with the sun and the ducks. Then we went downtown to Temple Square and reminisced about our perfect day a year ago and took pictures to document our one-year mark (specifically for those of you who didn't think we would last this long- *cough* Kallen...). For dinner, I wanted to try something I'd never had so we ate a romatic italian dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory. It was delish! We were too stuffed to do anything after that so we just went home and watched a movie together. It was a great day filled with little things that we love to do.

Gotta love Slurpees

Sugar House park

Couldn't have such a wonderful marriage without this wonderful man being involved

Old Spaghetti Factory

Eating the top tier of our wedding cake one year later. It tasted terrible haha

And that was that. A wonderful day to celebrate a wonderful year.

A person will never be perfectly ready for marriage; you could always save more money, always finish more schooling, always date more people, always spend more time thinking about it. There will always be "one more thing" to do before getting ready for marriage. Now obviously, you want to be at a certain level of preparation or readiness before making that big decision. But if a person lives their life always waiting to be a little more ready before doing something, they'll be waiting forever. I wasn't perfectly ready for marriage. Things weren't perfectly aligned or perfectly figured out before it happened. But I knew I was ready enough when those things didn't matter as much as my relationship with Jordan and I knew we could take on those challenges together. Now that we're married, we're still saving money, we're still going to school, we're still dating each other and we're still spending time thinking about big decisions. But now we're doing them together and it doesn't seem so bad. I just wanted to throw that in there in case there's anyone reading this who's feeling this way or felt this way before. Marriage is a wonderful choice and it takes little choices everyday to keep it wonderful. It's really that simple and it's really that worth it.

So here we are in 2015. As a couple we are one year older and much wiser too than we were before-

which means it's only gonna get better.

What is Love?

Where do I begin. I had actually written a post about a month ago talking about how most of our crummy situations have improved over the months and that even though some things are still hard, they had basically gotten better and life was moving on happily. Then I realized that that wasn't entirely true so I decided not to publish it on the blog. Yes, some things have improved but there have still been some really bad days. And while some relationships have gotten worse, others have been greatly strengthened throughout the mess.

Certain things that have happened in the last month have me thinking about the idea of love and reconsidering what it actually means. As a result, my thoughts and feelings on this emotion have changed and because of that I hope to improve how I will show love to others from here on out.

I used to think "love" was just a noun. But it's not. It's a verb. Love is an action word. As Jordan and I have been dealing with family issues during the last four months or so, we've realized this more than ever.

Until there is some sort of physical proof or physical action behind the words "I love you," that's exactly what they are: words. Words with very little meaning behind them. Words that are quickly cancelled out by the lack of action that should naturally accompany them.

Luckily, there are people in our life right now, both blood and non-related family, that have chosen to love and support us no matter what. And I'm not just saying that they "love" us because they agree with us or share the same feelings of shock and disappointment. I'm saying that they love us because they've proven their love through their words and actions. They've reasoned with us to see both sides of the story. They've cried with us when we were thrown out on our feet and had no idea what to do. They've listened to us when we just wanted to vent what we were thinking and feeling. And even though they aren't always physically available for us, they've shown us time and time again that they are mentally and emotionally available to help when we need it.

And THAT is love.

Love is not deciding when it's convenient or inconvenient to be there for someone.
Love is not saying whatever you want to criticize someone and then feeling okay about it because they're family or because you've been in the same situation.
Love is not sending a text message once a week and hoping everything is okay (even though it definitely isn't okay).
Love is not just being someone's friend on Facebook.

Love is putting someone else's happiness before your own.
Love is trying to see someone else's point of view by stepping into their shoes for even just a second.
Love is taking the time to talk to someone, to just be there for someone when they need it.
Love is choosing to be there for someone even when it's become "inconvenient" or when times are tough.
Love is simply calling someone to see how they're doing when you can't physically be there.
Love is recognizing when something is wrong and taking the time to figure out how to fix it or how to help.
Love is choosing to see the positive and the potential in others instead of focusing on the bad (even if the bad seems to be outweighing the good at the moment).
Love is unconditional and selfless.
Love is physical and emotional.
Love does not give up.
Love is not just a word. It's an action.

There are always two sides to a story and it takes two to work together to fix a problem. Although we may be angry and upset at the moment and even though the other people may not be willing to do their part to fix it right now, we have decided to keep the door open to possible improvement and healing in the future. Why? One word: love.

Any amount of love, whether great or small, is enough to not give up on relationships with people who may have hurt us. Although the trust factor is thin and fragile, we realize the importance of eternal family relationships and have decided to put that above our own feelings and frustrations.

Thankfully, Jordan and I have found that selfless, unconditional love within and towards each other. We know neither one of us is going to jump ship when the ship sinks a little. We're in this until the end no matter how bumpy the road is.

Before I finish, there is one thing I want to clarify: in writing this blog post I am not implying that Jordan and I are perfect in loving everyone the way we should. If it were true, I wouldn't even be writing this. But our minds have been opened and our hearts have been changed because of these recent events and the lessons we've learned (even though we learned them the hard way) have hopefully changed us for the better. Obviously there are certain areas we can all improve in, but I wanted to write this post to maybe help others see things differently as well.

To end, I am going to quote from my favorite TV show, The Office (I know right, who would have thought The Office could actually be serious?!). In the final season in the second to last episode, Dwight is asking Jim what he should do concerning a marriage proposal. And Jim gives the perfect response:

"I don't know what you want me to tell you man. All I know is that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, there's only one thing that outweighs any other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation: Love. No matter what happens, you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one [person] who's gonna make all of this worth it."

That's what love is.
How blessed I am to have a family and husband who love me and make all of this completely worth it.