My Decision

The nice thing about having a blog is that I can write out my feelings here and resist punching someone in the face. Okay I know that sounds harsh and I'm really not that violent I promise. But I needed to get these feelings out so I don't explode.

I just got home from work about 40 minutes ago, changed into some comfy clothes and got on the computer, starting my nightly routine of checking Facebook, email, I-learn and my school email. Everything was fine until I got on Facebook and saw something that really, really disturbed me. It was one of those random things where a friend of mine liked a link of their friend, so that link showed up on my newsfeed. Crazy how Facebook works right? Well I was curious so I read that status and almost started crying. I'm not kidding. The post was about someone who was dropping out of BYU and sending in their resignation later to the LDS church. That part was sad, but the rest of the post made my stomach drop. This person said, "I feel so free right now, like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders."

WHAT?!?!?!  And then I read the comments (because apparently I love torturing myself) and all of them were saying how proud they were of this person, how much they disliked BYU and how supportive they were of this person's decision. It broke my heart. And I don't even know this person!

It blows my mind how a person who has tasted the sweetness of the Gospel, has felt the love of Christ, has witnessed the power of the Holy Ghost could ever want to leave and "free" themselves of the true Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Granted, I don't know this person and I don't know their situation so I'm not judging them. I'm just sad...sad that this person couldn't fully comprehend the joy that comes from the Gospel. I'm sad because I know how wonderful this Gospel is. But Satan also knows and that's why he tries soooo hard to convince us that it's not worth the effort. He wants us to think the Church and its standards are restrictive and controlling, limiting our freedom. Therefore, leaving the Church would open ourselves to more freedom and more fun. But he couldn't be more wrong. Through studying the scriptures, we know that Satan's plan may be more "liberating" in the beginning, but it will actually be more restricting in the end. Yes, it's hard sometimes to follow God. Yes, those of us in the church might not choose to do things that other people do. But believe it or not, the Church doesn't come up with the standards. God does. And He knows that those standards and guidelines will bring us the most happiness and the most freedom when faithfully obeyed. It's also important to remember that the people of the Church aren't perfect, but the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints IS perfect, because it's headed by Christ Himself.

We are given agency as a gift. And it's completely up to each individual how they decide to use it. So if a person decides to leave the Church, that is their decision. But I can also exercise my agency and choose to be sad over that decision. I can choose to stay in the Church. And you can choose to support whatever decision you want. But my mind is made up and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be a good example of a follower of Jesus Christ. And that's my decision.

Rant over. Thanks for listening.

A "Peak" at the Proposal

Where do I begin... oh I know. I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!! Okay now that that's established, we can go over the details of the proposal :)

Day before the proposal:
My family came down to Salt Lake City this weekend to go to General Conference for the first time. All nine of us decided to invade Jordan's house and take up every little space of house we could, just like termites. Okay it wasn't that bad and no we didn't eat away the house. But it was definitely cozy and crowded. Anyway, they got to the house early Friday morning at 2 am after I had driven down from Rexburg. We all slept in a little, got settled and then went to Artic Circle (since they don't have one in the Tri-Cities) and took up 3 different booths. I'm sure the other customers there appreciated our obvious Mormon-ness. After lunch we went back to the house to meet up with Jordan's mission companion and our good family friend (Elder) Taft Butler. He and Jordan left to play some basketball and then my best friend Juli and her husband stopped by to see everyone too. We all went downtown for some sight-seeing which included the Beehive House and then the Disney store at City Creek. It was so much fun! Then Jord and I rushed off to go to his mission reunion over in Murray. The nice thing about dating a missionary who served in my ward is that I actually knew quite a few people at the reunion! It was great seeing some people I hadn't in awhile. After that, we came home to find my family watching home videos of me as a chubby baby, saying I looked like a walrus and a gorilla... oh well that's family for you haha. 'Twas a good day.

Eating lunch at Artic Circle

His beautiful wig at the Disney store

Day of the proposal:
We all woke up early to get ready for General Conference. We left the house around 8:30 and joined the mass Mormon exodus walking to the conference center. With Jordan holding one hand and Lydia holding the other, the rest of my sisters and I took our tickets and found our seats in the highest balcony, furthest to the left. Mom, Dad and Kathy had to wait in the stand-by line since we weren't able to get tickets. And they were about 100 too behind to get in :( But I'm sure they will have more chances to go in the future. Conference was amazing as usual. Just to be in the same room as the Prophet of God is an experience unlike any other. And I loved being there with my family. After conference, we walked through the North Visitor's Center to see the Christus statue and then headed back home. We changed, ate lunch and watched the second session of Conference. But during that time, Jordan snuck out with my parents so he could go talk to them and ask for their permission to marry me. They ended up talking for 2 hours! But he is such a gentleman to ask permission. Of course, when the talk was over he came back in he told me that we had to break up cause my parents put him through the ringer and he didn't pass... like I believed that haha, Well, a little while later we decided to go do some more sight-seeing and Dad suggested we go to Ensign Peak since he hadn't hiked it before. So we all packed into the giant van and drove to the mountain. It was perfect weather and the sun was beautiful. We all hiked together, singing, laughing, trying to breath and just enjoying each other's company. We finally got to the top to find a giant group of Mormon teenage girls (we knew they were Mormon because they were ALL wearing those fake hipster glasses. No joke). They left so we took some pictures and now comes the good part.

 

 

 

The Proposal:
Mom suggested I go take a picture with Jordan who was sitting about 10 feet away outside the railing near the edge of the mountain. I was like, "I'm not going out there cause I'll fall and kill myself!" But they convinced me nonetheless and I stood by him. It was kind of awkward though because I was on a rock higher than him and he didn't even put his arm around him (turns out he was trying to hide the ring in his hand). Everyone kept telling us to kiss, so we did and they took pictures. But right as I turn around to look at everyone, Jordan dropped down on one knee. At that point I FINALLY caught on to what was happening. He looked at me and said, "Jessica LaDean Warren, will you marry me?"  I laughed and said, "YESSSSS!" He stood up, put the ring on my finger, everyone started cheering and we kissed again. If you want to see the video, you can find it on my Facebook page here. Let me clear up two things from the video: One, we only kissed that long because everyone kept telling us to hold it so they could take pictures. Two, my "yes" was a combination of "finally!" and "duh!" and "yes!" Well, everyone took a bunch of pictures (props to Jenna for taking the cutest pictures!), hugged us and kept cheering. It was perfect :)

 

 

Okay, so honestly I was completely surprised even though there were a million hints I missed:

1. Jordan kept telling me it would be soon, sooner than I thought.
2. When asking him if I should just wear shorts and a t-shirt after conference or try to look nice, he told me to look nice.
3. He asked me to pick out a nice outfit for him.
4. He kept doing his evil laugh throughout the day.
5. While giving the prayer for lunch, he said "Please help this day be memorable."
6. He asked my parents for permission. That should have been a big hint.
7. We were going to Ensign Peak, where Jordan and I had hiked together 6 months ago during my first trip to see him in Utah.

But I never even picked up on those until AFTER the proposal. And that's okay because it made the experience that much more memorable. It was so perfect and we were both so happy. We still are! Later that night we went out to Training Table to eat cheesy fries and celebrate our engagement (and also so Jordan could pay up on a bet he lost haha). But our sisters were so happy for us, our parents were excited and our friends weren't surprised haha. It was a wonderful day and I can't wait to spend the rest of eternity with Jordan. I love him more than anything and he makes me so happy. I have never felt more sure about any decision in my life! Jessica Stewart sure has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? :)