Sunday, May 25, 2014

Equality: To Be or Not to Be

So for this blog post, I wanted to just share some things I've learned about marriage in the last six weeks as well as some insights from my current family class at the college. We've recently been studying what it means to have an "equal partnership" in marriage which has become quite a hot touchy topic in today's society. Looking back in the last century, it's apparent to historians and ordinary citizens alike that there has been a major shift in the relationships between men and women. So here are a few of my thoughts (whether you agree with them or not) as we delve into this topic.

First off, I think it's important to define the term "equality." Many people unfortunately and incorrectly believe the word "equal" to mean "identical," but this is inaccurate. If these two terms were in fact synonymous, then according to what God himself has taught us, men and women who were created equally would have to thus be identical in every way: identical in emotions, physical features, thoughts, desires, characteristics, likes, dislikes, etc. Obviously this is untrue because we've all recognized differences between men and women.

According to dictionary.com (one of my favorite go-to resources) the word "equal" has the following definitions:
1. as great as
2. like or alike in quantity, degree, value; of the same rank, ability, merit
3. evenly proportioned or balanced
From a Gospel perspective, the term "equal" means: "equal in blessings; equal in power, intelligence, wisdom, dignity, respect, giving counsel, giving consent, agency, value, potential, authority, exalted fullness, virtue, spirituality and spiritual gifts; equal heirs with Christ" (Successful Marriages and Families). That is a beautiful way of looking at it in my opinion because it applies to ALL of God's children, regardless of race, gender, religion, etc.

Today, many women feel they need to be "identical" to men in every way, including career opportunities, education, monetary benefits and power or political influence. And yes, this is possible, especially with the improvements we have made in society. But as mentioned before, men and women weren't meant to be identical. That would completely contradict God's plan for His children! Men and women were created equal in God's sight, equal in opportunities for growth and potential, and equal in opportunities for blessings and happiness.

Here's another doctrinal food for thought. Those who believe in the Council in Heaven that took place before we were born also believe that those of us who came to earth are here with physical bodies because we accepted God's Plan of Happiness, including the trials and tests that would come with it. To expand on that thought, President James E. Faust, an apostle of God, explained that, "Before we were born, male and female, we made certain commitments and agreed to come to this earth with great, rich, but different gifts." Whether a person is a Mormon doesn't matter in this case. Anyone living on the earth today--regardless of religious affiliation--made those same commitments and agreements before they were born. They understood the unique responsibilities that came with each gender and agreed to fulfill them. This is an extremely important concept to understand  and remember especially in today's confused society. Another apostle of God explained that, "Our Heavenly Father endowed His sons and daughters with unique traits especially fitted for their individual responsibilities as they fulfill His plan" (Richard G. Scott). When we view things through The Plan of Salvation and with an eternal perspective, we realize that trying to be equal in careers or power doesn't really matter as much as raising a righteous and eternal family because that's what the Plan is really all about.

Another misconception is that men and women are either completely dependent on each other or completely independent of each other and neither of those beliefs are true. In reality, men and women are actually interdependent of each other and I am so grateful for that! I'm sure I could live the rest of my life alone and single and still be happy and successful in worldly aspects. But just in the last six weeks, I've learned that I could never be as happy alone as I am being married to my best friend because those eternal commitments I made have brought more blessings than I could have possibly imagined. Now, it's obviously different between someone who doesn't have the opportunity to marry in this life and someone who intentionally chooses not to get married. But those people can still have quality relationships with the opposite gender that bring about blessings as well.

One of my favorite quotes concerning this topic comes from President Spencer W. Kimball, a former prophet of God, who said, "In his wisdom and mercy, our Father made men and women dependent on each other for the full flowering of their potential. Because their natures are somewhat different, the can complement each other; because they are in many ways alike, they can understand each other. Let neither envy the other for their differences; let both discern what is superficial and what is beautifully basic in those differences and act accordingly."  I have seen this eternal truth in my own marriage and couldn't agree more. Jordan brings out my strengths and makes up for my weaknesses. He perfectly complements and completes me in ways I never thought of. Sure, we have different responsibilities and qualities. He provides for our family by going to work everyday and I nurture our family by cooking, cleaning and providing a safe environment for the Spirit to reside. And to some people those responsibilities may not seem "equal" in difficulty of effort. What matters is that we both feel appreciated and balanced in our efforts and that we both have equal opportunities to fulfill our responsibilities and prove to God that we are grateful for those opportunities of growth.

I know there is so much more that could be said on this topic, considering it's been a huge topic of debate and legislation in the last 60 years or so, but those are my main thoughts on it. To sum up, each of us would do well to recognize and understand the different--but equally great and equally important--responsibilities and qualities that come with our gender and realize that now is the time to prove our loyalty to God and His plan. After all, it's called the Plan of Happiness for a reason.

                               

Monday, May 12, 2014

Our Happily Ever After

So in honor of our one month wedding anniversary, I thought it would be fun to write a blog post about the wedding! I honestly can't believe we've been married for a month now. It's gone by really fast but at the same time, it feels like it's been forever because of everything that's happened within the last month. Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Anyway, our wedding was definitely the best day of my life and I could relive it over and over again.

Friday, April 11 in Salt Lake City

Jordan, Chanel, his mom and I got up early to head over to the church to start decorating for the luncheon and the reception. Eventually, his grandpa and aunt and uncle joined us to help setting up. Jordan and Chanel hung up lights and tulle on the ceiling and the rest of us ironed like a million chair covers. Then around noon, my family finally showed up! It was so good to see them again considering we hadn't see them since Christmas.Thanks to the army of help (one of the nice things about a big family...) and the music blasting in the background, we were able to finish decorating by five o'clock. It looked beautiful. I had always promised myself that I would NEVER have my wedding reception in a church gym since I thought that looked really tacky--no offense. But after considering the small budget we had and how beautiful Jordan's previous church building was, I finally came to terms with having the reception in a gym. And you know what? It was perfect. I loved it and it looked really classy. 

After leaving the church, I gathered all of my stuff from Jordan's house, kissed him goodbye for the last time, and headed to the hotel for the bachelorette party that Jenna had planned. We ordered like five pizzas from pizza hut and Jenna bought all my favorite gummy candies! We watched a little of Whose Line is it Anyway? on TV (it was actually quite funny and fitting for a bachelorette party since it had quite a few stripper references but that's beside the point) and then went down to the hot tub/pool. After that, we came back to the room to watch Bride Wars and paint our nails. But by that point I was actually really tired from everything and was ready for bed--it was only 10:30 and I'm pretty sure that was the earliest I had gone to bed since high school. Plus, I was also pretty nervous for the next morning so I didn't want to stay up any longer than I had to. But all in all, it was a great day with my family and best friends.

Saturday, April 12

I couldn't sleep very well during the night (I wonder why) so I woke up right away when my alarm went off at seven. I was finally able to wake Jenna up around 7:30 so she could work her magic and do my hair. It's always a little hard for me to let other people do my hair or makeup but I trusted Jenna and knew she would do a great job since we pretty much have the exact same taste and style. I did my makeup while she did my hair and tried to eat a little breakfast but wasn't too successful. I think I only had one bite of cold pizza since I was so nervous and excited. Jordan came to the hotel around nine, I packed everything I would need at the temple, and then my mom, dad and I carpooled with Jordan to the temple. Since our wedding was scheduled for 11 am, we had to be at the temple at 9:30 along with a thousand other people who were getting married that day haha. But I honestly didn't care that there were so many people. All I cared about was that Jordan and I were getting married in the Salt Lake Temple and all of our family and friends would be there to celebrate with us. 

After checking in and signing some paperwork, Jordan and I parted ways until we would meet up again for the ceremony. And can I also throw in that I absolutely LOVE the Salt Lake Temple?! I definitely need to go again in order to cherish it a little more (since the whole day was pretty rushed) but I love what I was able to experience. While Jordan and I were waiting in the celestial room, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming appreciation for the early Latter-day Saints and everything they sacrificed to build that special temple. Oh and guess what? At one point while we were waiting, Elder L. Tom Perry was standing right in front of us! We didn't get to talk to him or anything but it was still cool to only be like a foot away from an Apostle of God.

And now for the ceremony. As soon as I walked into the sealing room and saw our closest friends and family, I had to stop myself from bursting into tears right there. It was so beautiful to see them all there supporting Jordan and me in this eternal decision. I tried to look around the room at their smiling faces as many times as I could so I would remember it forever. The words of the ceremony touched my heart and I will never forget the powerful Spirit I felt in those short 20ish minutes. In fact, it makes me want to cry just typing this right now. I know there were spirits there from the other side celebrating with us as well, including my Grandpa Shaftoe and Great-Grandpa Amos and Jordan's grandparents who had also passed on. I can't say it enough. It was beautiful. As we knelt across the altar holding hands, I had done pretty well up to that point with controlling my emotions. But as soon as the sealer announced that we were eternally sealed as husband and wife, I couldn't help it anymore and I let the tears flow. It was the moment I had been picturing and waiting for for so long and it had finally happened. We were finally married for time and all eternity and I was finally Mrs. Stewart. I couldn't have been any happier than I was at that moment. We exchanged rings and then stood by the altar while everyone in the room took turns giving us hugs. It was so sweet and I felt so much love for every single person in that room. I honestly could not stop smiling. Oh and the best part was that I could finally call Jordan my husband. That was pretty awesome. I just loved everything about the ceremony and I pray that I'll never forget it.

After I changed and touched up my hair and makeup, I met up with my husband (I just love saying it now that I can) before going outside. And then we had that special Mormon moment where we walked through the doors and threw our arms up in the air while everyone cheered and clapped. Of course, Temple Square was extremely crowded since one of the temple workers told me there were about 80 different weddings that day, so we pretty much had to fight for spots and time to take pictures. But it was still really fun even amongst all the chaos. We took windy pictures for about an hour and a half (during which we ran into some of Alex's mission leaders who gave us a gift from her and took some pictures...it was really sweet) and then headed over to the church for the luncheon. We had a Cafe Rio type set-up for the food and then we passed around the microphone so people could share stories or say things about Jordan and me. We cried, we laughed, we got embarrassed. It was a ton of fun but unfortunately Jordan and I had to go to the hotel while everyone else was cleaning up in order to...um...pick up some papers Jenna forgot to grab... But don't worry, we made it back in time for the reception. 

The reception was great. We had a large flood of guests come between six and seven and it was fun to shake hands and hug everyone, strangers and friends and all. By 7:30 we started the festivities, like cutting the cake (yes we did smash it into each other's face), tossing the bouquet (which Sammie caught the first time and Jenna caught the second time. We had a redo since it hit the ceiling the first time), throwing the Broncos garter (creative eh? Grandma Shaftoe made it) and then the first dance. I wanted to add a little personal family touch into the first dance, so I had my sisters sing our song "Two is Better than One" while we danced. It was so cute and sweet and I'm really glad they did it. I also had a blast dancing with my dad to "Open Arms" by Journey. That was a special moment too. Then we started the dancing and let me tell you, we had some gooood songs on the playlist. It was so much fun dancing crazy with friends and family. Finally, Jordan and I decided to leave around 9 as we made our way through a line of sparklers towards our plastic-wrapped, painted car covered in lubricant. Yeah. But those are Jordan's friends for you haha. We said our goodbyes, gave hugs to our families and set off to begin our happily ever after.

Many people looking back say they would change this or that or want to redo their own wedding if they could. But not me. I thought it was perfect in every way, from the crazy crowded temple down to the very last bobby pin in my hair (and trust me there were a lot). Yes, we have a ton of pictures and even some cake pops leftover as reminders of the wedding. But the best part? I got an eternal souvenir that will never fade or run out. And he happens to be sitting next to me right now :)


P.S. I wanted to post more pictures on here but there are wayyy too many. So they will be posted on Facebook soon!