"Mawage is What Bwings Us Togeva Today"

I can't believe Jordan and I have been married for three months already. The time just continues to fly by. And yet, it feels like we've been married forever. Crazy how it works like that. As my fifth semester of college comes to a close, I think about everything I've learned about marriage and families and how I've applied those lessons in my short but wonderful marriage. In her mission email to me today, Alex asked if marriage was really as hard as they say it is. Trust me, I'm not an expert, but I have learned a few important things so far. I told her, "Marriage really isn't hard when you both love each other and focus on the other person's needs. It only gets hard when you get selfish." Honestly, from what I've seen in other marriages and in my own, I believe it really comes down to that. When we are only focused on ourselves and what we want, it's a lot easier to notice everything that goes wrong and everything we don't like in our spouse. And I'm sure we can all agree that isn't healthy for a marriage, right?


Anyway, I've been struggling with feelings of stress, hopelessness, depression, doubt, self-hate as well as a lack of motivation or energy to do anything anymore lately.  It could be due to the fact that I've been in school for 11 months straight with few breaks, or that I'm in nursing school taking 15 credits every semester or that I was trying to work a part-time job at the same time. Most likely it was a combination of all of the above. But either way, it's driving me crazy and I hate feeling this way. I was reading in my family textbook that, "Married people are generally happier, the studies find, with greater life expectancy, lower risk for depression, and greater economic stability, all contributing to better mental health. Interestingly, when young adults marry, they experience an immediate reduction in depressive symptoms and higher life satisfaction."

So then I ask, why do I feel like this? Why am I depressed? If that's what the studies find, why isn't it true for me?

Actually, it is true for me.
I honestly think that if I wasn't married to my best friend and Jordan wasn't here to love and support me, it would be a lot worse and I would be in a deeper mess than I already am. I'm not saying marriage is something to do to escape from your problems because trust me, it is not an escape route. Sometimes marriage can be the trigger for my negative emotions since I feel a little more self-conscious at times or I feel guilty for just doing homework all day and not spending quality time with him. But in general, I know my stress is coming from outside sources and marriage has made all the difference.

Right now, most of my stress and depression is coming from my obsession with how I look. Pathetic, I know. Since I wrote the post, "My Daily Battle," back in January, things really haven't gotten any better. If anything, they've gotten worse because I'm even more stressed about it. I can't sit in class without worrying what people see or how I look. I can't look at the clothes in my closet without crying because I'm reminded that I used to fit into those clothes only a year ago. I can't hang out with my gorgeous friends without comparing myself to them and wishing I was different. I find myself crying almost every other day because of how hopeless I feel. And then I think about what I'm putting Jordan through and it makes me even more upset because I love him so much and want to be the best for him.

Alright, I'm done with my pity party. Part of me wishes I could get counseling and get rid of these ugly feelings, while the other part of me is too embarrassed to ask for help. So for now, I'm going to stop being selfish and focus on my husband because he is everything to me.

I want all of you who are reading this (especially those who aren't married yet) to know that there are good days. It's not always bad and the good definitely outweighs anything that could go wrong.

"Both the soft stories and the hard evidence attest to the fact that good marriages are undeniably worth the work, sacrifice, and dedication they require. The benefits of marriage are unique. The benefits begin at the marriage ceremony, extend into the lives of husbands, wives and their children across time, then stretch out to bolster neighborhoods, communities and the world at large" 

(Successful Marriages and Families)

Love makes it all worth it. When everything and everyone else fades away, love remains. So I'll take the bad if it means getting to be with Jordan forever.

In the words of the mermaid Aquamarine, "Don't you just LOVE love?!"

For Time and All Eternity

This week in my family class, we're talking about any challenges or trials we've faced in our families and how they've affected us, either positively or negatively. To be honest, I feel that my family and I were very blessed growing up because I can't think of too many terrible trials. However, there is one part of my childhood that I remember quite well and it's really changed the way I look at marriage.

But don't worry, it's in a good way. And I owe it all to my parents.

I can't really remember when it all happened. But I do remember a lot of crying, babysitting, discussions, frustrations, questions and everything else that comes with a trial. I won't go into much detail, because I really don't have very many details to share, and because it's not my story to tell.

My parents were having some struggles in their marriage. Being the oldest child in the family, I have that special intuition of knowing when things are wrong and knowing what I need to do to help make it right. I've always been a pretty sensitive person who empathizes with people easily, especially people I love. So it was really hard for me to see my parents struggling like this. Sometimes I felt like the third parent because my parents trusted sharing a few things with me just so I would be able to help more and let my sisters know that everything would be alright.

I remember Dad coming down to my room one Saturday morning and telling me that he would no longer be working at the hospital. I remember getting groceries from the bishop's storehouse. I remember babysitting so my parents could go to marriage counseling. But it wasn't until about a year ago that I realized how serious things really were back then. Being a little older and more mature, Mom and Dad confided in me more details about those years that really made me respect and appreciate them even more.

They told me that their marriage could have easily ended.
But it didn't. And I thank Heavenly Father for blessing my parents with the strength and faith to endure.

It makes me emotional just writing about this because I have so much love in my heart for my parents. (Did I mention I'm a sensitive person?) I have learned so much from them in just the last couple of years:

1. It is possible to have a happy and successful marriage.
2. It is possible to get through trials, no matter how impossible they may seem at the moment.
3. Marriage covenants are much more powerful when they include God 100%.
4. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is always there to help when needed.
5. Families are eternal.
6. It's okay to seek outside help for problems. There is no shame in counseling.
7. The Atonement of Jesus Christ allows all of us, no matter what we've done, to repent and be cleansed. Although it can sometimes be a long process, it is still possible and totally worth it.
8. When we keep the commandments, God opens doors we never thought possible and He provides for our needs. 

Although Jordan and I have only been married for almost three months, we've still had our own frustrations and miscommunications. But through my parents' faithful examples, I've learned that there isn't anything we can't fix as long as we include God in our marriage. Because Jordan and I were married and sealed for eternity in the temple, we entered into a covenant marriage. Unlike a contract marriage, where each person only contributes 50%, a covenant marriage requires each person to contribute 100% every single day. Sure it may be hard, but in the grand scheme of things, it is completely and wonderfully worth it. 

In today's world, divorce is so incredibly accessible and accepted that no one would have blinked twice if my parents got a divorce. But my parents chose to honor their marital vows and covenants with complete and total fidelity and that has made all the difference in my life. Before Jordan and I got married, we agreed that divorce was not an option for us. We love each other too much to give up that easily. 

The textbook we're studying in class right now teaches us that when a couple makes the conscious decision to stay together, there are three vital areas to focus on: healing the past, strengthening the present, and enriching the future. I can personally say that I have seen my parents do all of this in their marriage. And it is something I intend to apply during my own marriage when the need arises. 

There are certain acceptable situations that call for divorce and I completely understand that. But President Gordon B. Hinckley, a former prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, offered this bit of insight: "The first step is not separation but reformation. Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us."

                                                         

My parents did not give up. they sought the Lord and poured their hearts out to him in tears and prayer. They offered up their marriage into the hands of Him who knows all and knows best. Like another prophet once said, "Whatever Jesus lays his hands on lives."

*View or read the entire talk here: General Conference- Reading the Scriptures

I love my parents and look up to them more than anything in the world. Their unwavering faith is a beacon of light in a world of confusion and darkness. It is my goal to build an eternal marriage with Jordan that will stand the tests of time and carry on into an eternity of never-ending joy and happiness. And I know this is possible because all things are possible with God.

There is so much more that can be said about this topic but I'll leave it up to the experts. I have personally read these talks and can testify of their truth. Please take the time to read them if you can!

*Divorce

*Nurturing Marriage

*Celestial Marriage

*The Eternal Blessings of Marriage