I'm Done with Doctors

Okay I'm not really done with doctors forever. But that's how I feel right now. And I guess for you to better understand why I feel this way I should probably explain the events that led up to these feelings.

It all began almost 4 years ago. I started having some pretty bad side pain on my right side when I was a sophomore in high school (2010). It hurt all the time. So I went to my doctor and told him everything. He decided that I should have an ultrasound done just to make sure all my organs in that area were functioning properly and to see if there was anything unusual. Of course, as soon as I told my friends I was having a US they immediately started teasing me about being pregnant and brought it up as much as possible during the months after. We were so mature in high school.

Anyway, I had the US and the only abnormal thing the doctor saw was some air in my abdomen and a little fluid that usually isn't there. So he threw out the idea that maybe it was an ovarian cyst. I went to Girls' Camp that summer and talked with a good friend/leader who was a nurse and she was pretty convinced that it was also an ovarian cyst. So as the next step I made an appointment with my OB/GYN (again, more pregnant jokes) and had another ultrasound to see if my ovaries had any cysts or if anything down there had ruptured. But everything was normal. He then threw out the idea that maybe it was constipation. Cause you know that's something you always want to hear from your doctor. Not embarrassing at all. But I talked with my Mom and my mom's friend/my adopted aunt Tanya and decided I would try to work better on eating more fiber to see if that would fix anything. I still have the notebook where I kept track of everything. Honestly, I was 99% sure I wasn't constipated but I was looking for answers and doctors are supposed to know everything right?

Well believe it or not, the pain didn't go away. It was still there, still bugging me every time I tried to do something. I went back to my doctor and this time he threw out the idea that it was a problem with my gallbladder. He ordered another US and guess what? Still nothing. No answers, nothing out of the ordinary. So he ordered a CT scan. First of all, can I just say that CT scans feel really weird? You have to drink this delicious orange juice looking drink (that was sarcasm if you couldn't tell) and then they inject you with something so they can see your organs better. Well the injection fluid is really warm and you can feel it spreading throughout your body. And when it moves down lower it feels like you have to pee really bad haha. Anyway, the CT scan came out negative as well. Surprise surprise. So since those tests weren't providing any answers, I had a hepatobiliary (HIDA) scan. It's basically a test that focuses specifically on your gallbladder, liver and bile ducts. They inject a radioactive tracer into a vein in your arm. Then they watch the tracer go through my liver and gallbladder (the liver treats the tracer like bile which allows the technicians to watch the liver work right there on the screen) which lasts about 2 hours. 2 hours of laying perfectly still. So much fun. But hey guess what?? The test came back negative. Nothing unusual there either. By this point I was starting to get really really frustrated.

So that was last summer. I came to school here in Rexburg last September and the pain was just as bad, just as annoying. There were days when I could hardly walk. In fact, there was one week last October where I could hardly do anything without hurting. So I went to the ER at Madison Memorial, thinking maybe they would have some answers. They took a blood test and then an x-ray of my abdominal area. BUT STILL NO FREAKIN' ANSWERS. I remember being really depressed that day.

Okay so remember my last post where I complained about having pretty bad heartburn and elevated ALT levels so I was going to the doctor? Well I had another gallbladder US on Tuesday then met with the doctor again yesterday. And you can probably guess what I'm about to say... Yep, everything came back normal in the US. And there were more elevated ALT levels in the blood test I took last week. So this doctor threw out the idea that I have a fatty liver. But even that was a guess because apparently no one knows what's wrong with me.

Well, I cried on the way home yesterday. It was just all so frustrating. I felt trapped. In most cases, a normal person would be happy that their tests came back negative. But I obviously have pain. I've been dealing with it for almost 4 years now and I have no way of treating it because I have no idea what it is. It hurts when I lay down, it hurts when I walk, it hurts when I do any physical activity, it hurts when I sit, it hurts when I eat a lot. It even hurts while I'm writing this. Sometimes the level of pain varies. Sometimes it hurts but I can still go about my day trying to ignore it. But sometimes I can't ignore it because it hurts like heck. And yet none of the 7 tests I've had can find anything. I've fasted and prayed a million times to find some sort of answer in the last 3 years. My family and friends have put up with my complaints so they deserve some answers too. Can you maybe understand why I'm frustrated? Honestly, I would rather they find something wrong with me so I can at least fix it. I've basically lost my trust in doctors and technology which is why I want to be done with them. And I'll admit that sometimes I even lost trust in God. I know that's the worst thing I could do during a trial but I'm human and my faith isn't perfect. I'm tired of waiting...but I guess there's nothing left I can do at this point.

So after talking with my loving and patient parents, we decided to just run with the idea of a fatty liver (since some of my symptoms fit the symptoms of a fatty liver) and do a few specific things that might alleviate some of the pain. But who knows? Let me answer that actually. God is honestly the only one who knows what's wrong with me so I'm trying to stay close to Him and wait on His time. He's the best physician out there. Doctors are human so their knowledge is limited. They're doing their best to come up with answers based on what they find. I'm learning and accepting that more now while becoming a nurse myself. I can't blame them because they can't do any better. And for that reason, I need God's knowledge and healing power more than anything. So for now I'm just going to pray for patience and understanding that I'll figure things out when I'm supposed to. If I were in charge I would get answers now. But I'm obviously not and God knows better than I do.

"O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension...hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions...behold he hath heard my cry by day...I know in whom I have trusted."