Two Weeks Closer

For this blog post, I wanted to catch up on everything that's happened since I started my last semester in the nursing program. I've only gotten through two weeks of the semester but it already feels like an eternity haha. At least I'm two weeks closer to graduation, right?! Only twelve more weeks, but who's counting. . .

Anyway, we celebrated Jordan's 23rd birthday on the 16th and it was a lot of fun! I had a nine hour clinical orientation that day but I still tried to make it special for him by bringing him taco bell during my short lunch break and then leaving some of his favorite treats on the bed for when he got home from work. He said it was a nice surprise so I think it was a success! After I got home from school, we hung out for a bit before we headed to dinner. Jordan wanted Sizzler's steak and all you can eat shrimp! It had been years since I had eaten there so it was fun to try something new. Even though we had to drive the long 30 minutes to eat in Idaho Falls, it was nice being able to spend some alone time together, especially since this was our first birthday celebration as a married couple. Shortly after dinner, we Skyped my family and Grandma and Grandpa Warren came over to our apartment to sing happy birthday and watch him open presents. Jordan was definitely spoiled on his birthday! He got giftcards, movies, some of his favorite snacks and a Nintendo 64 game he had been wanting, just to name a few. Oh and I think the Seahawks shot glass was his favorite gift out of all of them ;) Then he blew out his candles which were stuck in a caramel brownie, the dessert he requested for his birthday "cake" haha. My goal for his birthday was to spoil him as much as possible because he certainly deserved it. Jordan gets up for work at 4:40 in the morning five times a week and works 40 hours to support us. Even with all of the frustrations that come with work, he still manages to keep a positive attitude and take care of me. I love him more than I can express and admire his hard work ethic. I'm glad we get to celebrate a million more birthdays together!

We also celebrated Shonna's 13th birthday last weekend via Skype and that was great too! It is so hard for me to believe that she is already a teenager because I remember taking care of her as a baby. Time has flown by so quickly and she has grown into a beautiful, strong, loving daughter of God. Everyone who knows Shonna loves being around her because of her friendly and hilarious personality. I am so proud to be her older sister and can't wait to continue watching her as she makes a difference in this world. We love you Shonna!

Even though it has already been stressful and busy, I'm enjoying this semester the most because of what we're studying. Since we are learning about infants and children, we get to do our clinicals in the labor & delivery departments, NICU's and mother & baby units! For those who don't know, my long-time dream and goal has been to eventually work in the labor & delivery department after I graduate because I just LOVE babies. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Last Thursday, I got one step closer to living that dream when I had a clinical up at Madison! There was one induction scheduled for that day and I had the privilege of helping to deliver the baby. It was one of the sweetest, most special experiences I've ever had. It was a hectic, busy morning trying to make sure that everything was going smoothly and that the couple felt comfortable during their stay. But when the time of delivery came, I had to fight back tears when the father started crying and the mother was finally able to hold her baby. Even one of the nurses who had worked there for many, many years had tears in her eyes because the Spirit was so strong in that room. Another one of Heavenly Father's precious children had come to earth, making the veil so very thin in that moment.

After spending over ten hours with this couple, I became very close to them and grew to love them as I watched their precious son come into the world. I don't know if I will ever see them again but I am so grateful that they allowed me to share those tender moments with them. Never before have I been so excited to have a baby of my own someday and now I know without a doubt that this is what I want to do with my career. When I worked in the nursing home, I got to experience the other end of the spectrum as people I loved left the earth. I know there will be good days and bad days with this type of work. I knew that long before I signed up for the job. But I believe God has blessed me with the talents, the heart and the strength to help those who are either mourning or rejoicing. Life is a beautiful thing, whether we are entering it or leaving it, and I want to be there for those sacred moments.

To add to the chaos and excitement of the last few weeks, I've also been suffering from some pretty bad pain in my left leg. I have no idea where it came from because I can't think of anything I've done recently to hurt it (although I'm sure a twelve hour clinical on my feet doesn't help too much). But it's here nonetheless and I have to deal with it. I went to one of the campus doctors on Friday and after explaining everything to him, he immediately wanted me to get an ultrasound done to make sure it wasn't a blood clot. Considering all of my risk factors---being female, take birth control, sitting in classes all day---he decided it was better to be safe than sorry. And even though I hate the costs of medical treatment, I agreed. So Jordan and I went to the hospital for our first ultrasound (hehe) and found out that the blood vessels in my leg were just fine and clot free. In a way it's good news because I'm not going to die of a pulmonary embolism, but unfortunately, hearing that news didn't take away the pain. So here I am, trying not to collapse every time I stand up and trying not to cry every time I sit down.

On a happier note to end the week right, Jordan and I have some exciting news! No, we are not having a baby (I already ran that course with my ultrasound joke), but we ARE gaining a new member of our family. In about a week and a half, we will finally get to pick up a little cocker spaniel puppy! He's everything we've been wanting: male, white and brown like Pongo, cute, adorable and everything else that comes from being a puppy! We are soooo excited. Jordan and I both feel he will help relieve a lot of stress and bring a little more happiness into our lives. When we get him we will definitely post pictures, but until then we wait. Thanks for sharing the excitement with us!

Just as we've been taught, there must be opposition in all things, and we have certainly seen that in the last few weeks. But without the pain and the chaos, we wouldn't appreciate the good health or the peace as much as we do! It's the little things that make the biggest difference.

Summer Days: Part Two

Previously on Pretty Little Liars. . . just kidding. Previously on the blog, I had written about my family visiting us here in Rexburg. For part two of our summer adventures, I'm going to write about us visiting my family in Richland! I can honestly say that my favorite part of every summer is visiting Washington. Even though I only lived there for 12 years, it will always be home to me. 

Anyway, we arrived in Richland on Tuesday, August 5 after listening to a Mary Higgins Clark book on CD the entire drive. We were happily greeted by Lydia's screams of joy and Pongo's sausage tail wagging. It was the best coming-home welcome ever. As we rested from our travels, Mom treated us to some of the essential oils she had recently purchased (which helped my headache a TON) and then the girls immediately started playing Dr. Mario on the Nintendo 64 we had brought with us haha. That night we just relaxed outside, enjoying the warm Tri-Cities summer weather, and caught up with my favorite Briebers. It was good to be home.

For the next couple of days, we continued with some of our favorite traditions, which included working on our annual summer play. This year Jenna decided to direct our own version of the movie "Frozen," which turned out great and was the first play Jordan participated in. But even though we FINALLY had a boy who could play the male roles, Jenna still had some of the girls play the guys in the movie haha. We ate at Casa Mia with Bri (another favorite tradition), played with Pongo at the park, ate Mom's delicious and famous homemade pizza, visited with the missionaries, watched good movies, etc. And just to make it like old times, Pongo even came into our room to sleep with me once Dad left for work in the morning. It was perfect. 

Early Friday morning, we left for Silverwood wearing our specially hand-picked superhero shirts. I was way more excited for this year's trip since it was Jordan's first time there and I love going to theme parks with him. We were also very blessed this year because a family friend let us stay at their home in Coeur d'Alene so we wouldn't have to pay for a hotel, and then we didn't have to even pay for any tickets thanks to the elementary school and to the generosity of some extremely nice friends. So yes, we were very blessed when it came to our annual Silverwood trip and we enjoyed every minute of it. We rode almost every ride in the park, especially Aftershock (in honor of Alex and her favorite ride) and laughed our heads off as we got drenched in the water-shooting bumper boats thing (thank you Dad for ganging up on me the whole time). We stuffed our faces with ice cream, lost our voices screaming on the waterslides, got lots of compliments on our shirts and partied hard until the sun went down. We finally left the park around 10 pm, ordered pizza from Domino's (another tradition), and fell asleep pretty quickly haha. It was a busy and extremely fun day for all of us. 

On Saturday we began our annual shopping trip in Spokane and literally shopped for 6 hours straight. I think we could all say it was a successful and crazy day (especially since I was pretty sure I had a small concussion from all of the rollercoasters the day before), and we all came away with quite a few new outfits. We found lots of good clearance sales and deals, ate lunch at the food court, and I even found some clothes I felt good in, which I think was the best success of the weekend (if you've been keeping up with my latest frustrations then you'll understand why). We got home from Spokane around 9 pm, sorted through all of our purchases, and decided to go to Applebee's for late night appetizers (another favorite traditions). It was such a great weekend. 

One of my favorite parts about visiting Washington is going to church on Sunday because I absolutely LOVE the Duportail Ward. It's really hard to beat those people because they are one of a kind and they feel like family. Richland wards are the best, hands down. We spent the rest of the Sabbath as usual, taking naps, watching home videos and playing games together. 

Monday was filled with more traditions like eating lunch at Shang Hai, our favorite Chinese restaurant ever. In fact, we eat there as a family so much that the owners and workers know who we are haha. Man I'm drooling just writing about it. If you're reading this and you live in the Tri-Cities, please go to Kennewick and eat some of their General Tso chicken for me. Thanks. After that we did some shopping at Target (since the one in Idaho Falls doesn't even compare) and then went to a neighborhood party to say goodbye to the Becker family. For Family Home Evening, we got together with the Hunt's so they could share with us their recent trip to Missouri and church history tours. They also taught us a crazy fun card game---Lucky Unders---which we love to play now. Speaking of the Hunt family, please continue to pray for them and for AJ. I'm sure they could use as much love and support and faith as possible in this time of trial. We love you Hunt family! 

Well, that just about wraps up our adventures in Washington. As usual, the trip was much too short but very much enjoyed. From my experience, some of the best parts of life are the little traditions we create with our friends and family and then continuing those traditions and make memories that last forever. Washington will always have a special place in my heart for many reasons (thank you Jordan for being one of them) and I can't wait to go back!

Summer Days: Part One

Okay, now that I'm actually back in Rexburg for a while, I figured it was time to catch up on all the festivities that have taken place in the last three weeks. What a great summer it has been so far!

For starters, Jordan and I took off for Utah once I finished the semester so we could be in Salt Lake City for the annual Pioneer Day Parade (since I had never seen it). We met up with one of Jordan's best friends who had camped on the street all night and watched the many floats slowly make their way down while baking in the heat haha. You know what the best part was though? Seeing President Monson. But we didn't just see him. As his car drove by, our group stood up to show respect for our modern-day Prophet  and as we were waving, he made eye contact with each of us and told us to sit down haha. That just proves how funny and humble President Monson is. It was literally the best part of the weekend and was such an emotional spiritual experience for me. That short, powerful moment strengthened my testimony in so many ways, and I know without a doubt that Thomas S. Monson is God's mouthpiece on the earth today. He speaks with God and works with Him to guide His church. I love that man.
                     

As for the rest of the weekend, I was finally able to get my Utah drivers license so Jordan and I could have car insurance (cause you know, that's kind of important). I'm moving up in the world! Haha not really but it makes me feel somewhat important.  We also spent some time visiting family friends out in Tooele as well as family members out in Herriman, Utah. It was a fun mini vacation and it was even more nice to get out of Rexburg and be with family again!

When we got home from our Utah trip, we quickly prepared for another adventure with friends and family. Juli and her brother John stopped at our apartment to spend a night with us on their way home to Utah from North Dakota and then Shonna and Ronnie arrived shortly after to spend the week with us! That first night we all went to Pizza Pie Cafe so we could stuff our faces with salad and pizza and then just lounged around watching Netflix and TV. It was great having Juli and John visit because they are always a ton of fun! I'm so grateful to have the Webbs and the Amparans in my life.


For the next couple of days, we tried to give Shonna and Ronnie a true Rexburg experience by eating lots of good food and going to lots of fun places. We ate at the hospital (I'm telling you, it's a place you gotta try here), Winger's, Gringos, Arctic Circle and Costa Vida. We also took them to play pool at the college, we went mini-golfing at Fat Cats, Grandpa took them fishing, they played Laser Tag with Marina we got our nails done and watched quite a bit of The Office haha. But don't worry, we also spent some time outdoors at the Sandbar over in St. Anthony and at Aunt Janell's work party which was a blast with the Ostermillers and with Ashlee and Stephen. I'm sure my sisters enjoyed their time in Rexburg cause I know I loved being with them!
   
               
On Friday, August 1, my mom and dad came down to visit! Even though they unfortunately came to attend a family funeral, it was still really nice having them here. We ate lunch at Mandarin and then played more pool at the college. I know Mom and Dad like visiting the college because it brings back a lot of memories for them. It's still neat for me to think that my nursing picture will hang in the same hall as my dad's picture only 14 years later, and I get to walk the same streets my mom used to walk with her frozen hair in the snow haha. That night we also had a crazy fun BBQ over at Grandma and Grandpa's, playing games outside, telling scary stories and watching hilarious YouTube videos. It's always a party when our family (including Ashlee and Stephen) gets together.

Saturday was mostly spent at the funeral with lots and lots of family. Even though we'll all miss Grandma Verda Merkley, we know she's having a blast up in Heaven with her husband, parents and siblings. I love Mormon funerals because instead of being really sad and heartbreaking, they always feel like a giant family reunion celebration full of happy laughter, funny stories and yummy food haha. I absolutely love being a Warren and continuing the legacy that name carries. After the funeral, we spent more time playing games, including a family game of volleyball in the yard, and ended the night with "The Avengers." Jordan and I really enjoyed having Mom and Dad visit and finally be able to see our first apartment!
             
Mom and Dad left on Sunday while we went to church. When we got home, Jordan suddenly had a crazy attack of itchiness from his sunburn so we spent some time taking care of that and then Ronnie and I played cards while he slept (thanks to the Benadryl I gave him haha). Keeping with tradition, we made a giant Sunday dinner with lots of good food and watched "Mrs. Doubtfire." Little did we know that the great Robin Williams would pass away a week later, but that is one of the classic movies we will continue to enjoy for the rest of our lives.
                              

Monday was spent running errands, visiting Grandma and the boys, getting a library card and renting books on CD, doing laundry and packing, and getting ready for our trip up to Washington! It had been a great week with family in Rexburg and now we were looking forward to a great week with family in Richland. And that's where our next adventure begins... :)

TO BE CONTINUED

"Mawage is What Bwings Us Togeva Today"

I can't believe Jordan and I have been married for three months already. The time just continues to fly by. And yet, it feels like we've been married forever. Crazy how it works like that. As my fifth semester of college comes to a close, I think about everything I've learned about marriage and families and how I've applied those lessons in my short but wonderful marriage. In her mission email to me today, Alex asked if marriage was really as hard as they say it is. Trust me, I'm not an expert, but I have learned a few important things so far. I told her, "Marriage really isn't hard when you both love each other and focus on the other person's needs. It only gets hard when you get selfish." Honestly, from what I've seen in other marriages and in my own, I believe it really comes down to that. When we are only focused on ourselves and what we want, it's a lot easier to notice everything that goes wrong and everything we don't like in our spouse. And I'm sure we can all agree that isn't healthy for a marriage, right?


Anyway, I've been struggling with feelings of stress, hopelessness, depression, doubt, self-hate as well as a lack of motivation or energy to do anything anymore lately.  It could be due to the fact that I've been in school for 11 months straight with few breaks, or that I'm in nursing school taking 15 credits every semester or that I was trying to work a part-time job at the same time. Most likely it was a combination of all of the above. But either way, it's driving me crazy and I hate feeling this way. I was reading in my family textbook that, "Married people are generally happier, the studies find, with greater life expectancy, lower risk for depression, and greater economic stability, all contributing to better mental health. Interestingly, when young adults marry, they experience an immediate reduction in depressive symptoms and higher life satisfaction."

So then I ask, why do I feel like this? Why am I depressed? If that's what the studies find, why isn't it true for me?

Actually, it is true for me.
I honestly think that if I wasn't married to my best friend and Jordan wasn't here to love and support me, it would be a lot worse and I would be in a deeper mess than I already am. I'm not saying marriage is something to do to escape from your problems because trust me, it is not an escape route. Sometimes marriage can be the trigger for my negative emotions since I feel a little more self-conscious at times or I feel guilty for just doing homework all day and not spending quality time with him. But in general, I know my stress is coming from outside sources and marriage has made all the difference.

Right now, most of my stress and depression is coming from my obsession with how I look. Pathetic, I know. Since I wrote the post, "My Daily Battle," back in January, things really haven't gotten any better. If anything, they've gotten worse because I'm even more stressed about it. I can't sit in class without worrying what people see or how I look. I can't look at the clothes in my closet without crying because I'm reminded that I used to fit into those clothes only a year ago. I can't hang out with my gorgeous friends without comparing myself to them and wishing I was different. I find myself crying almost every other day because of how hopeless I feel. And then I think about what I'm putting Jordan through and it makes me even more upset because I love him so much and want to be the best for him.

Alright, I'm done with my pity party. Part of me wishes I could get counseling and get rid of these ugly feelings, while the other part of me is too embarrassed to ask for help. So for now, I'm going to stop being selfish and focus on my husband because he is everything to me.

I want all of you who are reading this (especially those who aren't married yet) to know that there are good days. It's not always bad and the good definitely outweighs anything that could go wrong.

"Both the soft stories and the hard evidence attest to the fact that good marriages are undeniably worth the work, sacrifice, and dedication they require. The benefits of marriage are unique. The benefits begin at the marriage ceremony, extend into the lives of husbands, wives and their children across time, then stretch out to bolster neighborhoods, communities and the world at large" 

(Successful Marriages and Families)

Love makes it all worth it. When everything and everyone else fades away, love remains. So I'll take the bad if it means getting to be with Jordan forever.

In the words of the mermaid Aquamarine, "Don't you just LOVE love?!"

For Time and All Eternity

This week in my family class, we're talking about any challenges or trials we've faced in our families and how they've affected us, either positively or negatively. To be honest, I feel that my family and I were very blessed growing up because I can't think of too many terrible trials. However, there is one part of my childhood that I remember quite well and it's really changed the way I look at marriage.

But don't worry, it's in a good way. And I owe it all to my parents.

I can't really remember when it all happened. But I do remember a lot of crying, babysitting, discussions, frustrations, questions and everything else that comes with a trial. I won't go into much detail, because I really don't have very many details to share, and because it's not my story to tell.

My parents were having some struggles in their marriage. Being the oldest child in the family, I have that special intuition of knowing when things are wrong and knowing what I need to do to help make it right. I've always been a pretty sensitive person who empathizes with people easily, especially people I love. So it was really hard for me to see my parents struggling like this. Sometimes I felt like the third parent because my parents trusted sharing a few things with me just so I would be able to help more and let my sisters know that everything would be alright.

I remember Dad coming down to my room one Saturday morning and telling me that he would no longer be working at the hospital. I remember getting groceries from the bishop's storehouse. I remember babysitting so my parents could go to marriage counseling. But it wasn't until about a year ago that I realized how serious things really were back then. Being a little older and more mature, Mom and Dad confided in me more details about those years that really made me respect and appreciate them even more.

They told me that their marriage could have easily ended.
But it didn't. And I thank Heavenly Father for blessing my parents with the strength and faith to endure.

It makes me emotional just writing about this because I have so much love in my heart for my parents. (Did I mention I'm a sensitive person?) I have learned so much from them in just the last couple of years:

1. It is possible to have a happy and successful marriage.
2. It is possible to get through trials, no matter how impossible they may seem at the moment.
3. Marriage covenants are much more powerful when they include God 100%.
4. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is always there to help when needed.
5. Families are eternal.
6. It's okay to seek outside help for problems. There is no shame in counseling.
7. The Atonement of Jesus Christ allows all of us, no matter what we've done, to repent and be cleansed. Although it can sometimes be a long process, it is still possible and totally worth it.
8. When we keep the commandments, God opens doors we never thought possible and He provides for our needs. 

Although Jordan and I have only been married for almost three months, we've still had our own frustrations and miscommunications. But through my parents' faithful examples, I've learned that there isn't anything we can't fix as long as we include God in our marriage. Because Jordan and I were married and sealed for eternity in the temple, we entered into a covenant marriage. Unlike a contract marriage, where each person only contributes 50%, a covenant marriage requires each person to contribute 100% every single day. Sure it may be hard, but in the grand scheme of things, it is completely and wonderfully worth it. 

In today's world, divorce is so incredibly accessible and accepted that no one would have blinked twice if my parents got a divorce. But my parents chose to honor their marital vows and covenants with complete and total fidelity and that has made all the difference in my life. Before Jordan and I got married, we agreed that divorce was not an option for us. We love each other too much to give up that easily. 

The textbook we're studying in class right now teaches us that when a couple makes the conscious decision to stay together, there are three vital areas to focus on: healing the past, strengthening the present, and enriching the future. I can personally say that I have seen my parents do all of this in their marriage. And it is something I intend to apply during my own marriage when the need arises. 

There are certain acceptable situations that call for divorce and I completely understand that. But President Gordon B. Hinckley, a former prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, offered this bit of insight: "The first step is not separation but reformation. Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us."

                                                         

My parents did not give up. they sought the Lord and poured their hearts out to him in tears and prayer. They offered up their marriage into the hands of Him who knows all and knows best. Like another prophet once said, "Whatever Jesus lays his hands on lives."

*View or read the entire talk here: General Conference- Reading the Scriptures

I love my parents and look up to them more than anything in the world. Their unwavering faith is a beacon of light in a world of confusion and darkness. It is my goal to build an eternal marriage with Jordan that will stand the tests of time and carry on into an eternity of never-ending joy and happiness. And I know this is possible because all things are possible with God.

There is so much more that can be said about this topic but I'll leave it up to the experts. I have personally read these talks and can testify of their truth. Please take the time to read them if you can!

*Divorce

*Nurturing Marriage

*Celestial Marriage

*The Eternal Blessings of Marriage