The Freedom of Forgiveness

This week in my family class, we're discussing the topic of forgiveness and its importance to the family. To be honest, I can't really think of many times in my life when I've had to forgive someone for doing something so terrible or detrimental to my life.
Except there was one experience almost two years ago.
A friend of mine got extremely angry at me for a situation I was involved in that had been full of miscommunication and upsetting assumptions. I did my best to apologize as much as I could and explain everything that happened but to this day I'm still not sure it was enough. And the whole situation made me angry at this friend for being unwilling to listen to me or even try to understand. To me it seemed that everything had been completely blown out of proportion. Friendships were tested and there were a lot of tears and harsh words involved. It was a mess and now almost two years later it still hasn't been completely resolved. But even with how angry and frustrated I was, I knew I had to forgive this friend if I was to move on and get some peace back into my life. So I forgave that friend even though I knew it would probably only be a one-way forgiveness. It probably sounds really simple to just forgive but to be honest it was hard for me. This friend had assumed some things about me and about the situation that really shook up my life for a few months without even trying to consider how it was affecting me. It was easier to just stay mad rather then try to empathize with this friend. But I forgave anyway because I knew I wasn't perfect, and if I wanted God to forgive me then I needed to forgive too.

Now you're probably thinking, "If you've forgiven that person, shouldn't you forget about it already?" but I disagree with that assumption. Many times we hear the phrase "forgive and forget." But I don't think that's an accurate statement and it's a phrase we often misunderstand. When people say "forgive and forget" it is almost literally impossible to forget the incident itself unless we go through some sort of surgery or head trauma that causes us to lose our memory. Rather, the phrase should be interpreted to mean that once we forgive, we forget those feelings of anger, resentment, bitter or maybe even hatred. We can't forget what happened, but we can forget those negative feelings. And that doesn't require surgery or head trauma. It only requires a lot of prayer, faith and trust in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

I've included the following powerful YouTube video that I think perfectly illustrates the healing power of the Atonement. I don't know if I would have the strength to do what Chris Williams did after such a tragic accident, but if something like that ever happened to me I know I could do anything through Christ.

I'm sure he hasn't forgotten the accident, since he has daily reminders of what happened and who he's missing. But through the love of Christ he has forgotten those burdening negative feelings and has been able to move on with his life, as well as worked to improve the life of his offender.

According to the textbook we're studying, there are five steps to forgiveness:

1. Recall the hurt. In order to forgive, we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury.
2. Empathize. In order to forgive, it is important to understand the offender's feelings.
3. Offer the gift of forgiveness. It is much easier when the victim realizes his/her own shortcomings and recognizes the times they were forgiven.
4. Commit publicly to forgive. The victim has a better chance of successful forgiveness if he/she verbalizes the forgiveness commitment to another person.
5. Hold on to forgiveness. During this stage it is important to move forward. When thoughts about the painful injury return, remember that the decision to forgive has already been made and use that knowledge to replace painful memories with something more meaningful. 

(Successful Marriages and Families-Chapter 20: Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life)

So next time someone offends or injures you---whether on purpose or as an accident---try to apply those five steps along with the power of the Atonement. Coming from personal experience, I can testify that it works and the forgiveness even in the worst situations is possible.