What is Love?

Where do I begin. I had actually written a post about a month ago talking about how most of our crummy situations have improved over the months and that even though some things are still hard, they had basically gotten better and life was moving on happily. Then I realized that that wasn't entirely true so I decided not to publish it on the blog. Yes, some things have improved but there have still been some really bad days. And while some relationships have gotten worse, others have been greatly strengthened throughout the mess.

Certain things that have happened in the last month have me thinking about the idea of love and reconsidering what it actually means. As a result, my thoughts and feelings on this emotion have changed and because of that I hope to improve how I will show love to others from here on out.

I used to think "love" was just a noun. But it's not. It's a verb. Love is an action word. As Jordan and I have been dealing with family issues during the last four months or so, we've realized this more than ever.

Until there is some sort of physical proof or physical action behind the words "I love you," that's exactly what they are: words. Words with very little meaning behind them. Words that are quickly cancelled out by the lack of action that should naturally accompany them.

Luckily, there are people in our life right now, both blood and non-related family, that have chosen to love and support us no matter what. And I'm not just saying that they "love" us because they agree with us or share the same feelings of shock and disappointment. I'm saying that they love us because they've proven their love through their words and actions. They've reasoned with us to see both sides of the story. They've cried with us when we were thrown out on our feet and had no idea what to do. They've listened to us when we just wanted to vent what we were thinking and feeling. And even though they aren't always physically available for us, they've shown us time and time again that they are mentally and emotionally available to help when we need it.

And THAT is love.

Love is not deciding when it's convenient or inconvenient to be there for someone.
Love is not saying whatever you want to criticize someone and then feeling okay about it because they're family or because you've been in the same situation.
Love is not sending a text message once a week and hoping everything is okay (even though it definitely isn't okay).
Love is not just being someone's friend on Facebook.

Love is putting someone else's happiness before your own.
Love is trying to see someone else's point of view by stepping into their shoes for even just a second.
Love is taking the time to talk to someone, to just be there for someone when they need it.
Love is choosing to be there for someone even when it's become "inconvenient" or when times are tough.
Love is simply calling someone to see how they're doing when you can't physically be there.
Love is recognizing when something is wrong and taking the time to figure out how to fix it or how to help.
Love is choosing to see the positive and the potential in others instead of focusing on the bad (even if the bad seems to be outweighing the good at the moment).
Love is unconditional and selfless.
Love is physical and emotional.
Love does not give up.
Love is not just a word. It's an action.

There are always two sides to a story and it takes two to work together to fix a problem. Although we may be angry and upset at the moment and even though the other people may not be willing to do their part to fix it right now, we have decided to keep the door open to possible improvement and healing in the future. Why? One word: love.

Any amount of love, whether great or small, is enough to not give up on relationships with people who may have hurt us. Although the trust factor is thin and fragile, we realize the importance of eternal family relationships and have decided to put that above our own feelings and frustrations.

Thankfully, Jordan and I have found that selfless, unconditional love within and towards each other. We know neither one of us is going to jump ship when the ship sinks a little. We're in this until the end no matter how bumpy the road is.

Before I finish, there is one thing I want to clarify: in writing this blog post I am not implying that Jordan and I are perfect in loving everyone the way we should. If it were true, I wouldn't even be writing this. But our minds have been opened and our hearts have been changed because of these recent events and the lessons we've learned (even though we learned them the hard way) have hopefully changed us for the better. Obviously there are certain areas we can all improve in, but I wanted to write this post to maybe help others see things differently as well.

To end, I am going to quote from my favorite TV show, The Office (I know right, who would have thought The Office could actually be serious?!). In the final season in the second to last episode, Dwight is asking Jim what he should do concerning a marriage proposal. And Jim gives the perfect response:

"I don't know what you want me to tell you man. All I know is that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, there's only one thing that outweighs any other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation: Love. No matter what happens, you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one [person] who's gonna make all of this worth it."

That's what love is.
How blessed I am to have a family and husband who love me and make all of this completely worth it.